A time

Weeks and Months have gone by and I have been hushed. Not for reasons of being held down or even too busy to have time to write about my feelings.... Tonight I am feeling Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven: ² a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

Just after the last time I felt compelled to write my grandfather passed away. He was an amazingly honest, caring man who was easily able to just ignore when people were absolutely, utterly disrespectful to others..... I am so unable to do this, as can be seen in my job of choice. I have chosen a career where I am always helping kids find a way to be more like the people around them and where I work to teach people how to treat students and people with dignity and respect. Sometimes I struggle keeping my dignity in tact when I am so internally hurt or heated by others words and deeds....
So it has been a few months since Grandpa Stan passed away. Life did not stop. So I did not stop. I kept moving just as life goes on. Life has been going on in a rocky way though. Love has been amazing, we are growing together in a way that keeps me motivated and at peace with myself and also where our future will be. My relationship with God is strong and while I don't do enough to reach out to him some days... he continues to reach out to me. Friendships are in another realm... I have lost a few friends. I like to tell myself that I was only meant to be in their lives for a short time, likewise for them in my life. I have grown in some friendships. Those give me great joy. Then there is one friendship that is like a roller coaster... I am always held to their constrains. When I want to go towards something positive we end up lurching slowly away from the ground where I was safe.... at least in my own mind. The worst part is when I am thrown over the edge and while I don't want to scream I some how hear it happen as if I am outside of my body, standing up for someone else...who ends up being me.... It gets worse, as I exit the situation my heart is racing and my body hurts, most likely a physical reaction to my heart wanting to burst. This is where I am tonight... My heart is bursting, I am sick, I am tired, I am hurt and have been disrespected.... I am feeling that I will be severing many ties because of the way this roller coaster tossed me around.
I feel that it is ⁶ a time to search, and possibly a time to give up, 
It is a time to keep praying and a time to throw away,  the anger and resentment

 ⁷ a time to tear has come and gone and a time to mend, should be fast approaching
I know that as I pray and speak to the other person, I will have to pay attention to be able to find a time to be silent and a time to speak.

It's been a while....

It has been a while since I have been here. I have finished school, spent a week at home with my grandfather, knit like a crazy woman, finished my sister's Sunny Yellow Ishbel, learned that a friend had seizures and the list goes on.... oh crap and I forgot to say I got into ASU's online Master's program....

So in all of this here is what is interesting... school ended without too much stress, despite having IEP meetings till the last moment of school. The week spent at home with my 92 year old grandfather was nice, albeit I was there to help get him healthy enough to stay home so that he can die. Very backward? Yep well the man is 92 and he doesn't seem to have a real will to live anymore. I can't blame the man he lost his amazing wife 7 years ago and he had to move to Illinois to live with one son because the other son that lived just 20 minutes away visited him once a week and expected dinner to be on the table.... who wouldn't want to leave and go be with God and his wife. Although, he seems to love living with my parents. I think it is the good food and conversation. During my week home, I knit like crazy... no pictures to show because my camera is dying... however soon hopefully I will get some pictures posted.
My sister is about to have her second baby. Life is very busy!

shorty socks

I have been a bit quiet... only because I have been knitting, assessing my students, writing report cards/progress reports, planning a school party for the students that met their behavior goals this year, making sure that the teachers leaving our building get a proper party.... even though I am not on social committee (due to some crazies).... but back to knitting to make myself less crazy.....
Here are my shorty socks.

 

Some time soon I will tell about what led me to making these shorty socks... Blogger is being kind of slow for me....at least currently....

Finished Socks!!

FINISHED SOCKS!!!! 

3 Monday nights

3 Dinners out with my friend Jennifer

2 socks!!!

LOVE IT!!!

Something to make me smile....

It's a day of argh.... Today, I am already wondering why the heck I am a teacher... or what the heck is wrong with these kids......

So to combat that... during my short break, I am looking at pictures on my computer..... 

Look at these beautiful bowls that we received for wedding gifts last June. Already almost a year!

The large bowl was given to us by our friend Cameo, and the smaller, heart shaped bowl was given to us by our friends Tom, Tammy, Krista and Kayla. I love that they are both hand made and that they look amazing together as much as they look great standing alone.

This is a close up of the sparkly center of the larger bowl.

This plate was given to us by Matt and Beth. They had it made to show off all of the colors that we used in the wedding. Our wedding date 6/27/2009 is even etched in the layers of glass (it is in the blue spot at the bottom left side of the plate). Also, if you attended our wedding you might say... Hey, you had more than just blue and black... I know... my camera has started to turn on me and I couldn't seem to get a good picture of this plate. It is full of color!

Ahh... I feel a bit better now.....

Convertible Wrap

Yesterday I posted some pictures of my Convertible Wrap if you click on the words Convertible Wrap (the ones in blue....) you will be taken to Ravelry.com an online group for knitters and crocheters.  This is where I am keeping many of my projects in the Ravelry "note book". You can look at larger versions of the pictures if you click on any of the pictures on the left. A window will pop up with a larger picture, then click on each picture on the right to see them large!
Again, Cameo is in my pictures. Doesn't it seem like she's done this before!

ISHBEL DONE!!!!!

Blocking. Yes, that is correct.... I actually blocked something!

See! Proof that at one time it was wet! Has to be wet to block!

Detail of the shawl, the blue area on the left through the first section of the blue and grey is in stockinette stitch. Then as the colors change it is lacy..... and wonderful! I am in love!

My friend Cameo was gracious enough to pose for a few pictures. She says she has never modeled... so obviously she is just this darned attractive without practice!

Another way to wear it. I love, love, love!

Note to me: Used 4 ply cotton color changing yarn named Silver Navy 2 from Wolles Yarn Creations found at http://www.etsy.com/ (had to use about a yard or two of the silver from my Navy Silver 2 ball also), used a US 6 circular needle. Bound off a bit too tight, which caused rolling at the lace edge.

FINISHED PROJECTS

Today I am going to show you lots of pictures!!

First picture: The yarn I used to make my Ishbel. My Ishbel Shawl is COMPLETED!!! Yippie! As I write this I am wearing it! I will get pictures up here soon.... I haven't pulled them off of the camera yet.

Pictures 2-5: The hat I made for Chelsea!

Pictures 6 & 7: The completed Martha Shawl!

Picture 8: Caden. If you look closely, you can see the Sue Bibs tag! That tag is on his Taggie Blankie that I made him. Sue Bibs is the business that my mom, Naomi Sue and I (Karen Sue) are trying to get going.... Slowly but surely.... Taggie Blankie is a recent trial. Obviously, Caden is a fan! By the way, he is amazingly handsome!  (Also, this picture was on his dad's Facebook page! YAY for free advertising!)

Picture 9: Well a picture would be here, but that would be stealing! After I make my sister's Ishbel in a beautiful Cotton/Rayon/Silk blend in sunny yellow.... I am going to make a new capelet... however, there is no pattern. I will be doing a trial and error as I go along.... I saw this capelet idea on someone's www.etsy.com page. I didn't want to purchase it.... I wanted to make it. I keep telling myself that I copying is the sincerest form of flattery... and since I am not buying hers, then making one from that I feel that I am not stealing her design.... just the idea/style. Would this be any different from seeing a cute sweater on someone at the grocery store and going home to make something that looks similar? Can you see I feel a bit guilty about not only stealing her photo... (for reference.... but I will not be posting it... that seems REALLY wrong) but now her Idea..... Oh the dilemma!

Motivational Posters

This week Kathy (the Resource Special Ed. Teacher that I share a classroom with) and I are busting our rear ends to teach and also figure out how we are going to spend the money that Special Ed. is allocating us for the 2010-2011 school year, because our orders are due THIS FRIDAY!!!. We each get $1000.00. If you just fell off of your chair, you know where I am sitting currently. What an awesome amount of money, right?!? We each asked for a computer for student use in the classroom each computer is $905.00.... SpEd. said no.... argh....
So what the heck do you spend $1000.00 on!?! Well I decided I needed a new easel, headphones for the student use computers, some other organizational items, and teaching supports like math manipulatives and posters that explain key ideas for reading, writing and math.

What I landed on today in a magazine was the Motivational Message posters.... Here are a few I liked!

• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others are bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box. 
• Experience is what causes us to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
• When it snows you have to choices: shovel or make snow angels!
• Our five senses are incomplete with out the sixth...... a sense of humor!

And my favorite!!!

• Give people a bit of your heart instead of a piece of your mind. 

I hope that you can find ways to give your heart instead of your mind. I know that it is hard for me to do! (gotta run I need to give some of my heart to SpEd for not letting me get a computer..... that would have been easier and much better in the long run for my students..... give heart, give heart, give heart........)

Martha Shawl

The Martha Shawl is completed!! Look!!

Martha Shawl, Ishbel, Lace Edged Head Hugger, and Socks

The Martha Shawl is done! Gave it to her Sunday.
I thought I would work on my shawl the Ishbel, but I obviously got side tracked by Chelsea at work! (see "I stand in awe...." post below)
I also have to say that I like God's little pushes that he gives me. All day yesterday I had little moments when I thought "yippie I get to go home and knit on MY Ishbel! I am only 4 short rows away from starting the lace edging! I can't wait!!!!" then, I would see Chelsea's face and think, I should make her a soft hat. She has already lost most of her hair due to the Cemo. It should be feminine and sassy and incredibly soft! So, I cast on the hat, Lace Edged Head Hugger,  which actually meant that I had to take the Ishbel off of my circular needles and place them on a holder. Because the hat need the same size needle.... and after buying 2 other circulars that are a different size for my upcoming sock class, two skeins of yarn for said sock class, double points for Head Hugger, and yarn for HH I decided I was done with purchases... plus, now I am not tempted to work on the Ishbel instead of the Head Hugger!
So again, Thanks to God that yet again he is showing me how to put others first. Something that, in the way of knitting, I love to do! Maybe one day I will get to post a picture of my Ishbel, instead I will post the pictures that are in the pattern! 
(www.ysolda.com)

(www.ysolda.com)

Mine will be made out of this yarn though!
(http://www.etsy.com/shop/WollesYarnCreations)

Both pictures from Wolles Yarn Creations' Etsy Shop.
4 ply Cotton.
Navy to Silver color changing. One is wound with the Navy on the outside and one with Silver on the outside. I started with the Navy of the first ball. I am now to the second color change (meaning the yarn is now two strands of navy and two strands of he navy silver combo). Very Pretty!!

(ps. I have been administering Stanford 10 testing.... hence the double posts (and long posts!) I am sitting here watching 2nd graders take a test.... I am about to fall asleep.... if only I could KNIT!!!!)

I stand in awe....

I stand in awe of a girl named Chelsea. Young and beautiful and going through cancer. At 22 years old she had her abdominal lining removed (you know the part that holds all of your organs in place....) and a mesh insert put back in, to hold/support her internal organs. She is going through her cemo right now. You would think that she would stay home and sleep and cry and do all of the things that I think I would "choose" as my coping mechanism.... However, she doesn't do that... instead she comes to school every day and stands in front of her 5th grade students and teaches. She is a student teacher. She is bound and determined to graduate from college in May. She has even used her cancer and explaining to her students about her condition to teach her 5th grade class about inferencing... She is AMAZING! I stand in awe of her beauty, her courage, her determination, her strength, her perseverance, her sense of humor, her heart, her dedication. I am making her a knitted hat. It will look like this (only black):

http://www.headhuggers.org/patterns/kpatt18.htm

I hope that it fits her comfortably and is super soft on her skin! It should be soft because, it is made of  blackRowan RYC Cashcotton DK  a luxurious mix of 35% cotton, 25% polymide (nylon), 18% angora, 13% viscose (rayon) and 9% cashmere.

(from www.yarndex.com)

I may have to make myself something out of this amazingly soft yarn!

Attack of the sinuses and shawls!

Today is my 5th day of recovery from my sinus surgery to fix my deviated septum, too large turbinate, and false wall in my sinus cavity.  I am doing pretty good. Just struggling with heavy congestion as I have eased myself off of the Tylenol with Codeine and the congestion is causing some headaches. That I probably had with the Tylenol w/C but I didn't notice them.  
I have been busily working on Martha's shawl as she will be home in less than a week. I would like to give it to here while she is here.
I also just started my Ishbel. I am using a finger weight cotton from Wolles Yarn Creations (find them on Etsy.com). It is Navy and changes to Silver with a Navy Silver two tone in the middle. I am excited to get this one done because it will be for me!

ARGH!

I have been working hard on the Martha shawl and prayer beads for church. Among other projects. I recently began work on my own design of a diaper clutch. Basically, a little purse that holds a small wipe container, two - three diapers and a changing pad (oversized that folds up small!). My sister -in-law's comment. "Those are already on the market, I have one." Infuriating! Hence the ARGH! Some people just like to put other people down and be rude. Baby Bibs are already on the market and I make and sell those too.... and hey she has those too! Doesn't mean I am not going to continue to try to make my own niche in the market!
ARGH!
SOME PEOPLE!

I should know by now....

I should know by now to not read a sentimental book while sitting across the table from students..... Mitch Albom's book Have a Little Faith was beautifully written... and in two days.... I concluded the book and almost sobbed through the end..... While students are taking ISATS.... I did not cry.... but I almost did... and if I had been alone, at home... I probably would have! Very good Book I recommend it to all!!

After this long day.... here are some things I am thinking about.......

Things I love:
*Finding that the sweater I had been dying to buy for months is now almost 50% off.
*Using Ebay to purchase said sweater for $13 dollars less because of the 'Make an offer function'.
*Waiting 3 days to buy the InginuiTEA from www.Adiago.com and when I finally decide to go for it..... I get 4 free samples of tea! (I must seem really thrifty at this point, or like I shop alot!)
*My husband
*The way that my husband puts others first, except when others are selfish....
*Our awesome couch that is so large that tonight when we realized it was almost time for bed and we didn't want to put sheets on the bed (I know sooooo hard.... right?)  we could both sleep on the couch together...
* Mitch Albom's book Have a Little Faith (I read almost 100 pages of it today! This is what happens when you administer ISAT tests all day!)

Things I don't love:
* That 2 years ago at this time of night my Husband and I were told to go home because his mother would be in the hospital for a while and we both needed rest so we could go to work the next day.
* That 2 years ago, while still just 'the girlfriend' I lost a best friend, a mother - in - law, a second mother..... We lost Cathy on 3/7/2008. She loved me and accepted me like a daughter.
* That even after 2 years I am still angry.

Things I can get over:
* Wanting to be perfect at knitting, crochet and other crafty obsessions.
* Hiding my real singing voice behind the one I use in choir and praise team.....

Things I never want to change:
* Always finishing the last stitch, or snap or the last touches on a present on my way to giving the gift away. Cathy always joked about this..... "Ok, What did you just finish in the car on the way over here?"
* How my Husband can cheer me up over the phone just by telling me that he wants to come hear me sing in church instead of going to brunch with his family. (They planned but didn't remember that we have church....)
* My Church Family and Friends.... I LOVE THEM!

Martha Shawl

I have a friend who's sister is going through a bit of a tough time trying to get pregnant. I have told her that I would make a prayer shawl for her sister. I thought it would be quick.... OH MY! SLOOOOOW goings! I am praying that I get it done soon. It has to be shipped across the US! I will post a picture.

I was sitting in the 5th waiting room of the morning (out of 6 on Monday) waiting to get a head CT of my sinus. A man came in and sat down heavily. He had a tattoo of a tear drop below his left eye, and F*** YOU! tattooed across his knuckles. He looked like he was unhealthy, tired, alone. He began angrily flipping the pages of a magazine, (flip, flip, flip, flip) then turned to me and said "You got cancer?" (flip, flip, flip, flip) "Well I hope not," I responded. (flip, flip, flip, flip)"I hate cancer." He said gruffly, then asked "what are you here for then?" I told him that my Doctor was trying to find the cause of headaches. (flip, flip, flip, flip) (ok so this flip, flip, flipping went on for a while.....) He continued to tell me about his cancer, it was in his neck. He told me about how wouldn't wish anything like this on anyone. That if the scans he was about to have showed he had cancer, he didn't think that he would go through it all again. That he would rather be dead. He was very angry. He told me that he had no teeth, because the cemo and radiation had turned them to gristle, and how his drs. didn't think about that happening until his teeth needed to be removed. He had to have surgery to remove all of his teeth, they couldn't be pulled because they just broke apart in his mouth. He told me about his 35 treatments he had, about the hole in his leg where they took a camera through his artery to his neck to determine where to shoot in the cemo drug. He showed me the feeding tube still attached to his stomach. Talked about how the cemo and radiation burned him internally as well as externally. He spoke of not being able to eat and how he asked the Doctors to keep the feeding tube in just incase he had to go through this all again. He showed me the port that was imbedded under his skin just under his collar bone that they would shoot iv's into. He explained how the internal burns formed bumps that kept him from eating and that it hurt him to swallow his own spit. He talked about how the burns on the out side of his neck kept him from being able to sleep and as they healed would break open and bleed. He was angry. He was there to get his PET and CAT scans that would tell him and his Doctor's if he was done with the treatments. During all of this I put my knitting away and turned and listened to him. At the end I said, "Sir, I believe in God and I believe in prayer. That God listens to our prayers. Can I have your name. I would like to pray for you and pray that your PET and CAT Scans show that you are cleared of cancer." His name is Herb. After I wrote his name in my prayer journal, my name was called. I hope that God has a positive plan for Herb. It is so heartbreaking to hear some one say that they would rather be dead. I will continue to pray for Herb. I hope that God continues to put people in his life that tell him that they have faith in God. Maybe He does believe in God, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he will begin to wonder if he should believe in God.