I was sitting in the 5th waiting room of the morning (out of 6 on Monday) waiting to get a head CT of my sinus. A man came in and sat down heavily. He had a tattoo of a tear drop below his left eye, and F*** YOU! tattooed across his knuckles. He looked like he was unhealthy, tired, alone. He began angrily flipping the pages of a magazine, (flip, flip, flip, flip) then turned to me and said "You got cancer?" (flip, flip, flip, flip) "Well I hope not," I responded. (flip, flip, flip, flip)"I hate cancer." He said gruffly, then asked "what are you here for then?" I told him that my Doctor was trying to find the cause of headaches. (flip, flip, flip, flip) (ok so this flip, flip, flipping went on for a while.....) He continued to tell me about his cancer, it was in his neck. He told me about how wouldn't wish anything like this on anyone. That if the scans he was about to have showed he had cancer, he didn't think that he would go through it all again. That he would rather be dead. He was very angry. He told me that he had no teeth, because the cemo and radiation had turned them to gristle, and how his drs. didn't think about that happening until his teeth needed to be removed. He had to have surgery to remove all of his teeth, they couldn't be pulled because they just broke apart in his mouth. He told me about his 35 treatments he had, about the hole in his leg where they took a camera through his artery to his neck to determine where to shoot in the cemo drug. He showed me the feeding tube still attached to his stomach. Talked about how the cemo and radiation burned him internally as well as externally. He spoke of not being able to eat and how he asked the Doctors to keep the feeding tube in just incase he had to go through this all again. He showed me the port that was imbedded under his skin just under his collar bone that they would shoot iv's into. He explained how the internal burns formed bumps that kept him from eating and that it hurt him to swallow his own spit. He talked about how the burns on the out side of his neck kept him from being able to sleep and as they healed would break open and bleed. He was angry. He was there to get his PET and CAT scans that would tell him and his Doctor's if he was done with the treatments. During all of this I put my knitting away and turned and listened to him. At the end I said, "Sir, I believe in God and I believe in prayer. That God listens to our prayers. Can I have your name. I would like to pray for you and pray that your PET and CAT Scans show that you are cleared of cancer." His name is Herb. After I wrote his name in my prayer journal, my name was called. I hope that God has a positive plan for Herb. It is so heartbreaking to hear some one say that they would rather be dead. I will continue to pray for Herb. I hope that God continues to put people in his life that tell him that they have faith in God. Maybe He does believe in God, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he will begin to wonder if he should believe in God.