Back in the saddle

After a week of hacking up a storm and feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest I am finally coming back to life. There are a few things that have made this last week a pain! Not only was I finding it difficult to breathe, sleep, stay awake and work out. I was also finding it difficult to teach, knit, take care of my duties as a wife (the cooking, cleaning and such) but also keeping up with my most difficult grad school class to date. Now it is bad if you can't breathe, sleep, get your house work done or stay awake. Sad if you can't work out or care to knit. Terrible if you are having difficulty teaching or getting your homework done for grad school!!! I am slowly returning to all  of the things that I am needing and wanting to do.
I worked out with Jim tonight. He didn't kill me but I am sure I will be sore! I also got caught up on one paper tonight (only 3 more to go to get caught up! sad, sad, sad!). Sleeping, staying awake, and breathing have returned to almost normal. House work has been helped by the wonderful hubby, although now he is sickly. My desire to knit is still at the blah level but I can't do it all!

Additional thought.... I have been very frustrated that at 5'2" 130 lbs I have not lost any fat weight since I began this journey of working out. I actually have lost muscle mass recently. Scary!  I have done some thinking and realized... Maybe it is stress or maybe it is my birth control. I began to do some research and found that I have been on a birth control that many women my age (with similar lifestyles and even similar heights)  have had really crazy side effects.... many of which I am experiencing but had chalked up to other things in my life. Such as, weird episodes of intense hunger or intense lack of hunger through out the month. Irritability. When I say irritability I mean I can't handle the pencil tapping, the whining, the inability to find page 21 in our book even though I have told  the child it is "THREE MORE PAGES FROM WHERE YOU ARE. NO! NOT BACKWARD, FORWARD." (this is when I realize I am yelling about a flipping page in the book and calm down) "Here, let me just find it for you." Thinking to my self, even though you are in 3rd grade and completely capable of finding it on your own...... Then of course I turn to the next kid and his book is closed and he is staring at the wall and the kid next to him... is on page 12..... (Commence: banging head on the table). Here is the thing.... I very well know that these kids have special needs. I can usually just keep my cool and get my self undercontrol and them on the same page, however..... not recently...
 Ok back to the side effects.... hair loss - thankfully no, acne - yea a little bit but not enough to make me crazy, still it is a pain, lowered sex drive - well you don't need to know my answer here. :) and lastly weight gain, or the inability to lose weight that has come on since beginning birth control.... to this I say... SON of a GUN! I knew I was eating right, working out right, not imbibing too much, praying (although I don't know if that helps... maybe I should fast...) and trying to live the right way without going over board... Turns out maybe it is stress.... and a bc that keeps the weight on... To which I say... just another reason to get off bc and start having babies. :) HA!

Last parting thought. If you are a believer, pray for my hubby and I. In March we plan to have the house on the market, meaning this loveable guy (pictured above) goes to stay at grandma and grandpa's for a while. We have to figure out how much we will be approved for (scary!!) and find the house of our dreams, or that will work for the time being.
Also, hubby has applied for a job in which he is 1 of 129 applicants. He happened to be fixing a lock for a person that is on the board for said job application and mentioned that he had put in an application. The parting words from that guy to  hubby.... I will have to dig through the stack and find your application. (He also said that all applicants will hear if they are still in the process or have been declined for interviews by the end of this week or next week....) keep the prayers going!!

Such a happy old guy! :)

Little behind and feeling like I've been run over....

I am about a week behind on updates. Workouts have been good. Jim has upped the ante a bit in the cardio department. Which is great. I love feeling like I got my money's worth after leaving the gym. Sunday/Monday my left shoulder  blade area was in pain. Also my left foot was bothering me. Went to CB's dad (Father-in-law is a Podiatrist). He adjusted my feet, like a chiropractic adjustment but to the feet. It seems all of the core work that I have been doing at the gym with Jim could have had my feet a bit out of whack. My shoulder blade has slowly gotten better however the pain is now in my chest because I now have bronchitis. AWESOME! (not really) I feel like crud, I am supposed to take off a few days from the gym. I just want to sleep, but I have a ton of work to do for my Grad School Class. UGH!

Also, I need to take a moment to say this out loud.....
Back Story: On my mom's side of the family the cousin's my age have difficulty understanding that you 1. get married then 2. have babies. They have done all sorts of mixed up things when it comes to babies and marriages. With the exception of my sister and myself.
Part 2 of Back Story: I have a cousin that is only two months older than me, most likely has BiPolar (and no I am not joking or trying to be mean here) and has hated me for as long as I can remember because my parents stayed together and hers had the most tumultuous relationship I have ever witnessed.
Current situation: The cousin that hates me is pregnant. She choose to stop taking her BC because she thought having a baby would convince her boyfriend to stop cheating and they could get married or something. He walked away from her and now she is shacked up with some guy 20 years older than her that actually seems like a decent guy. She is that kind of person that puts up pictures of her pregnant belly as her FB profile pic and talks all day long about how she has gas or heartburn....or that they baby is kicking or ....blah blah SHUT UP! Wednesday night (also known as the worst day I've had in a while!--for other reasons this scenario just adds to the mess.) I received a text from her. "Hi, I am having a girl. Call Gma She wants to know if you will help host my baby shower." WHAT?!?! You think I would want to host your baby shower? Your Baby Shower?!?! For YOU?!?? The girl that came to Grandma's last Saturday and stood with your back to me for well over 30 minutes and spoke to me ONCE that entire 5 hours you and I were under the same roof??!?!?!
***Side note... I am also having a difficult time because I am married and I want kids and (in addition to the previous babies born out of wedlock from other cousins) this cousin, her sister, and another cousin are all out getting pregnant without a supportive male or even husband in their lives.... so to say I am jealous, maybe that they are so damned fertile..... but I know that CB and I are going to start trying soon (just not soon enough for me right now) and I am tired of hearing about these out-of-wedlock babies and that everyone thinks its ok to shack up with all of these random guys....***
Ok so where was I.... Oh yes, worst day ever, stupid-pregnant-shacking up with some older guy-cousin that hates me wants to know if I will help host her baby shower. I just got another message from her today asking me to contact our Grandma....
This all leaves me with this message to the big guy upstairs.....Hey God, I just wanted to tell you that I don't find my life humorous right now and would like to have the cliff notes version so I can figure out the point (meaning, significance) of this moment in my life... and then move on to the better parts of Your plan for me. I am in a dark spot and keep turning into more gray areas. I am over it and would love for You to take my hand and lead me out of it.... or at least whisper Your plan to me so I can participate in these day to day pains at least knowing that it will get better and how much longer it will feel like this.

Going to go take a nap then complete more grad home work....